Heero and Wufei Teach Basic Japanese
by Airurando
Summary: When being a Preventer doesn't pay, try teaching a classroom of braindead students for a little pocket money. Or, you could take it from Wufei and Heero... Don't try this at home!


Wufei & Heero Teach Basic Japanese!  
Rating: G  
Premise: After the war is over, the former gundam pilots take jobs as Preventers. To make a   
little cash on the side, Wufei and Heero agree to instruct some young students on basic Japanese.  
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or names, blah blah blah! But I do regard them as my   
imaginary friends! Hi Heero!  
  
Now let the story begin!  
WUFEI: Greetings, I am Chang Wufei, or Wufei Chang, depending on whether you go by the   
manga or the TV show.  
HEERO: Get on with it.  
WUFEI: Right. Today I will be your instructor, along with my fellow preventer, Heero Yuy.  
HEERO: It's a pleasure.  
WUFEI: Apparently you intellectual weaklings do not yet know how to speak the wonderful   
Japanese language. Do not worry; We are hear to provide you with useful information that   
will make you strong. *flexes for effect, and knudges Heero to do the same. Heero, in reply,   
pulls his gun*  
HEERO: Omae wo korosu.  
WUFEI: Now Heero, you're getting a little ahead of yourself. Our students have yet to learn   
this level of Japanese. *Heero glowers* We must be patient with them, Heero.  
HEERO: Fine then. "I'll kill you." My apologies for not translating earlier.  
WUFEI: Very well then. Heero has taught us a phrase that can prove quite valuable when dealing   
with... *looks annoyed* Oh, I don't know, a Japanese assasin. Now repeat after me, class.   
"Omae wo korosu."  
STUDENTS: Oma... what?  
WUFEI: Never mind, you ignorant fools! Your minds are that of mere children! We will start   
you off easy. Ready, Heero?  
HEERO: Hai-- yes. Next term: "Iie."  
WUFEI: "No."  
HEERO: "Ohayo."  
WUFEI: "Good morning."  
HEERO: "Konnichiwa."  
WUFEI: "Good afternoon."  
HEERO: "Konbon-wa."  
WUFEI: "Good evening."  
HEERO: "Dozo."  
WUFEI: "Please."  
HEERO: "Arigato."  
WUFEI: "Thank you."  
HEERO: "Doitashimashite."  
WUFEI: "You are welcome."  
HEERO: "Sumimasen."  
WUFEI: "Excuse me."  
HEERO: "Gomen nasai."  
WUFEI: "I'm sorry."  
HEERO: "Yoroshii."  
WUFEI: "It's all right." How is everyone doing?  
*students scribble into their notebooks feverishly*  
I thought so, weaklings. You must have questions.  
STUDENT #1: Mr. Chang?  
WUFEI: RAISE YOUR HAND, YOU IMBECILE!  
STUDENT #1: *shuddering* S-sorry! *meekly raises hand* Um, what did "sumimasen" mean again?  
WUFEI: It means "Excuse me".... but there's no excuse for you! We have no time for any more   
repeats! Now get out of my classroom!  
STUDENT #1: W-what?  
WUFEI: You heard me! Now get out of my sight, you weakling!!!  
STUDENT #1: *yelps in fear and runs out*   
WUFEI: That takes care of him. Are there any more questions?  
*a girl student hesitates before raising her hand*  
WUFEI: Yes....?  
STUDENT #2: Um, well, I have a suggestion to make. Perhaps we would not ask for repeats if   
you talked a little slower. *the girl winces as if expecting Wufei to lash out at her-- she's   
right!*  
WUFEI: *visibly annoyed* So you want us to slow down, do you?   
*girl nods meekly* Well obviously you are too slow to be with us in the first place! Get out of   
my classroom, woman!  
*girl yelps and runs out* *Wufei mutters to himself angrily*  
HEERO: Wufei, we have a class to teach here. I suggest we continue before we lose any more   
students on account of you yelling at them. No more throwing any one out. Do I make myself clear?  
WUFEI: *sarcastic* Crystal. But listen up, students. Those of you who have realized you are   
unprepared for a class of this academic difficulty and are not up for the challenge, excuse   
yourselves now and save me the trouble of throwing you out!  
STUDENT #3: Uh, I thought he just said you can't do that anymore!  
WUFEI: SILENCE! Now if you're going to get out, get out!!!  
*some chairs clatter as students exit quickly. Heero and Wufei are left with half of what   
they started with-- neither look happy about it*  
Well, that's just fine! Go on with your pathetic existences, wasting your youthful minds on   
televsion and video games! Go, and see if I care!!!  
HEERO: Wufei, you're the one who told them to go.  
WUFEI: That's beside the point! Now start teaching Japanese, Yuy!  
HEERO: *sarcastic* Roger that. Here's how to ask for simple directions on time and place.   
"Itsu desu-ka?"  
WUFEI: "When."  
HEERO: "Dono kurai-no kyori desu-ka?"  
WUFEI: "How far?"  
HEERO: Dono hurai-no jikan desu-ka?"  
WUFEI: "How much time?"  
HEERO: "Ima."  
WUFEI: "Now."  
HEERO: "Ato."  
WUFEI: "Later."  
HEERO: "Ima de wa arimasen."  
WUFEI: "Not now." Well, make up your mind already!!  
HEERO: *glares at Wufei* Kamai masen.  
WUFEI: "It doesn't matter." Wait, that's not in the lesson plan! Were you talking to me?   
If so, then of course it matters! If you keep this up you'll only further confuse these   
already brain dead students!  
STUDENT #4: Mr. Chang? Where are we?  
STUDENT #5: You're going too fast!   
STUDENT #6: I'm lost.  
WUFEI: *clences fists* Grrr...  
HEERO: I'll say this again: You can't throw anyone out, Wufei. Now does anyone else have a   
question or comment?  
STUDENT #7: Yeah, I do. Again, while you've presented us with some useful information, if you   
slowed down we'd have more time to process it.  
WUFEI: Isn't that what they just said? You students all share one brain! If you payed closer   
attention you would understand what we are saying! Agh!  
HEERO: Wufei, yukkuri hanashite. Speak slowly.  
WUFEI: *smug* You didn't say please.  
HEERO: Kudasai.  
WUFEI: F-I-N-E! *Heero looks satisfied*  
HEERO: Here are some phrases you are certain to use in this class frequently. "Dozo, mo-ichi do,"   
means, "Repeat, please." *students laugh* "Tomatte" is "stop." Also, "Chotto matte, kudasai,"   
is "Wait a minute, please." *more laughter*  
WUFEI: Grrr... Stop this at once! You losers!   
*After a while longer, class is dismissed. Because he yelled like crazy and threw students out,   
Wufei was assigned to a martial arts class instead! The next day, Relena takes his place beside   
Heero.*  
HEERO: Today we are going to show you a typical greeting conversation. Please have your   
notebooks ready. Relena.  
RELENA: *clears throat, then smiles cheerfully* Konnichi-wa! (Good afternoon!)  
HEERO: Konnichi-wa.  
RELENA: Ikaga desu-ka? (How are you?)  
HEERO: Genki desu, arigato. (Fine, thanks.)  
RELENA: Ii o-tenki, desu-ne? (It's nice weather, isn't it?)  
HEERO: Hai. (Yeah.)  
RELENA: Watakushi-no namae-wa Relena Darlian desu. Dozo, anata-no namae wa?   
(My name is Relena Darlian. What's yours?)  
HEERO: Heero Yuy.  
RELENA: Hajimemashite! (Happy to meet you!)  
HEERO: Watakushi-o mo. (Me too.)  
RELENA: Gomen nasai, shikashi nihongo-o sukoshi hanashi masu. Eigo-o hanashimasu-ka?   
(I'm sorry, but I don't speak much Japanese. Do you speak English?)  
HEERO: Iie. Gomen nasai. (No. I'm sorry.)  
RELENA: Yoroshii. (It's all right.)  
HEERO: Ii desu. (Ok.)  
RELENA: *sigh* Ii desu.  
*there is a long pause, as if they forgot what they were supposed to say next*  
HEERO: Ii desu, de wa mata. (Ok then, so long.)  
RELENA: Chotto matte! (Wait a minute!)  
HEERO: *thinking* This isn't in the lesson plan!  
Nani-ga hoshii desu-ka? (What do you want?)  
RELENA: *giggles* Watakushi-wa anato-o aishi masu, Heero-san!  
(I love you, Heero!)  
HEERO: *turns red* Jubun! Enough! Class is dismissed!  
*students walk away laughing*  
THE END… 


End file.
